Meeting your friend’s boyfriend for the first time like, “hello I’m the co-author of all the text messages you have received. We should get along just fine. “
If you just thought to yourself, I have never read a more accurate statement then this post is for you.
Next to brainwashing ourselves that froyo is “not too bad” for us, it seems as if we have also programmed our minds to constantly ask for a second, third or fourth opinion when it comes to the basis of our personal life.
Have you and your girlfriend ever been dancing around the room getting ready for a night out when all of the sudden your jam sesh is interrupted by a text notification? After glancing at the phone you see HIS name on the screen… it’s as if all of the sudden the world has come to a sudden stop, you aren’t sure if you are actually breathing. The both of you sit down on the nearest surface as you type in your phone password followed by reading the message out loud. “Hey. What’s your plan tonight?” your girlfriend lets out a high shrill noise as your palms start to sweat. You look at her as if you are in a deer in the headlights and ask her the life survival question, “What do I say?”
Let’s take our feelings out of this situation and break it down. You just asked someone else how to respond to someone who is asking you a question. You look at your friend as if she holds all of the answers to your relationship in her 20 something year old hands. With the ding of your phone your friend is all of the sudden Gandhi. Even if what she suggests to say is entirely not what your gut says let alone how you actually feel, you type those words back as if they were your own.
While you’re in the mirror delicately applying your red lipstick your girl is on best friend duty texting away with your hopeful someone. The next morning you call her and before she even asks how your night was you are already dishing out all of the details. Before hanging up you thank her for being ‘so good at this stuff’ and tell her that she is going to have to help you draft a message on what to send him today over brunch.
Of course we value our friendships and their advice/outlooks on situations. But by constantly asking, “What do I say back to him?” “What do I do?” You run the risk of actually tarnishing your relationship before the first kiss butterflies have a chance to take over. In the midst of asking everyone else’s opinion, without realizing it, you lose your sense of self and could possibly be building a foundation that isn’t your own. Isn’t the whole point of dating to find someone that loves YOU for … YOU?
How do you plan to achieve that if every other word you say to him is analyzed with a microscope by 10 of your closest friends? I am insanely guilty of taking screen shot after screen shot of texts and sending them in a group to my #squad and going back and forth until the group has approved on a response for me to send back. But as of lately I have been guilty of doing something even cooler, answering on my own. My very own feelings, thoughts, stupid jokes, misspelled words and nuances have been sent. Give it a try. Make the ‘send’ button YOUR new best friend.
I’m not suggesting that you cut out ‘your look at what he just said to me’ moments with your girls because let’s be serious – that isn’t possible. But do your own thing girl! Confidence is the most alluring thing a woman can have so strut your stuff and text what YOU want, when YOU want and how YOU want.