The words we use day in and day out with our partners are powerful. Quite often, we don’t even realize how much of an influence on our partner those words can have.
And because of that, we have the ability to impact the quality of our relationships through the words we use daily.
Psychologist William James once said that the deepest human principle is the desire to be appreciated. Unfortunately, we often feel that if we let our partner know how we feel about them once, our job is done.
The fact is, we all benefit from reassurance in a major way. Affirmations. Encouragement. They’re a verbal sign of our love for our mate. Relationship counselor and author Gary Chapman considers ‘Words of Affirmation” as one of the five main love languages in his best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages.
When I talk to couples about how much reassurance can help improve their relationships, I often get replies like, “Well, she should already know how much I love her. Do I really need to remind her all the time?” or, “I’m just not as emotionally expressive as he is. Shouldn’t he know how much I love him already?”
Gary Chapman mentions in his book, “One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up…The object of love is not getting something you want, but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.”
And that’s definitely what love is all about.
Here are 4 things you should continue to remind your partner of on a regular basis:
1. Why you love them: It’s pretty simple to mutter “I love you” everyday before bed or through text, but when was the last time you filled your mate in on “why” you love them? Not only will doing so lift your mate’s spirits and keep them feeling appreciated, but it’s also a great way to keep yourself from taking them for granted.
2. You’ll always be there for them: Support comes in handy the most when we’re struggling. The greatest feeling when you’re down is knowing you have a mate who’s right by your side through it all. How often do you remind your mate that you have their back?
3. How much you believe in them: As an entrepreneur, I can say there have been times when the gas that kept me going was my wife’s belief in me, when I didn’t believe in myself. We’ve all been there. When life is kicking your butt, it’s a beautiful thing to have a partner who helps you recognize your greatness and encourages you to embrace it.
4. That you’re still committed: Sure, you might’ve expressed your commitment to them in the past. Maybe you’re even married or engaged. But with every relationship come ups and downs that can leave you feeling unsure about the future. A simple ‘I still am and will always be committed to you’ from time to time can really go a long way in those moments.
Now, there are some folks who would point this out as something that only women need and benefit from. I want to stress that reassurance is something we ALL benefit from, not just the ladies.
Also, it’s important to understand that no amount of reassurance matters if your actions don’t follow suit. While I always stress the power of what we say, our words lose that power when they’re not backed up with action to give them meaning.
So what say you, folks? How often do you use words to reassure and encourage your mate? How has it impacted your relationship?