We all have fears…! Being afraid of something is a natural part of life, but it’s important to overcome your fears or better yet, learn how to let your fears guide you. If you let fear control your life, then you won’t be living life to its fullest.
Take a minute to think about your potential, where your limit is? I hope some of you are saying to yourself, “the sky is the limit!”
Staying in fear could cap your personal and professional potential. Don’t settle and let fear hold you back, you’re worth more than that.
So, how can we overcome our fears and instead let our fear guide us?
Well, this week on #Millennialtalk we spoke with the one and only Leonard Kim who’s TEDx Talk, Why You Should Let Your Fears Guide You, has been internationally recognized as one of the best TED Talks by Forbes and Inc. Magazine.
If your ready to conquer your fears, scroll down to read a recap of last night’s insightful Q&A…
@ChelseaKrost: The root or stem of that fear could reveal how to conquer it. How can you overcome your fear if you don’t know the who, what, where ,when, why, or how it began….
First, there are two types of fears. One is the primal fear where you can’t stand bugs or spiders and stuff. The other fear is the ones we learn as we get older. We’re going to talk about the other type of fear. The ones that we learn. You want to understand your fears because as we grow as humans, what happens is we start to act based on prior events in our lives. It becomes cause and effect. Cause and effect. And next thing you know, you’re a brand new person. And that person may be a better version of yourself, but chances are, that new person is making their decisions based off of fears that have become engrained in their minds and is becoming the driving influence behind their behavior, or lack thereof. That fear could be the reason you’re scared to try new things, meet new people, or even get out of your own home. The reason you want to understand your fears is simple. If you have a problem you want to solve, you need to know what the underlying cause is.
@jkhoey: You won’t truly conquer or overcome or push aside something until you understand it.
@ChelseaKrost: Fear creates nerves, stress, and anxiety. If we can learn to re-direct our fear we can truly work to eliminate stress and anxiety from our lives too! Holding on to fear or letting your fear win has a negative compounding effect.
Let’s discuss all four topics. First we will start with anxiety. Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry that is usually tied to an imminent event with an uncertain outcome. In other words, it’s worry of the unknown. Stress is when you have mental or emotional strain that results in being under too much demand. This usually happens when you say yes to everything and get overwhelmed with commitments, make promises you can’t keep or stress can be when you are behind on a deadline and can’t deliver your project on time. Sometimes, stress is self-imposed from overpromising or procrastination, but other times, it can be when others have unrealistic expecations of you. Now nerves is a person’s mental state when they feel agitated or worried. Or when we counter things that annoy us. These are usually caused by things we don’t like, such as when someone chews their pen, or hearing a screech on the chalk board. Fears on the other hand are an emotion that are caused by a belief that something will cause us pain, or be a threat to us. One common fear many face is when you don’t want to leave your job to be self employed because you’re scared of living without a salary. Another common fear is when you are scared of doing that you truly want to do because you feel that others will judge you negatively. These could be rooted from past experiences, like being unemployed or bullied or growing to not believe in yourself anymore.
@ryanfoland: Fear is your body’s way of protecting you. The better you understand what the threat is, the better you can approach the challenge. “Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” – Yoda
Don’t fear the traffic. Become the traffic. And try that same concept for other things that scare you. Don’t fear public speaking. Become the speaker! Don’t fear the ….. Become the ….
Fear, nerves, stress, and anxiety are all things that can hold you back from greatness. I always say, if it frightens you, gives you nerves, or anxiety, do it.
Fear, nerves, stress, and anxiety can all be forms of self doubt. Self doubt is self destructive. Tap into your confidence.
@ChelseaKrost: I am a big believer in getting a 3rd parties perspective. Sometimes being in our own head gets us nowhere fast & we need to hear ourselves talk out loud. Depending on your circumstance a mentor, advisor, coach, guide, healer, or therapist could be helpful.
In order to let your fears guide you, you first have to identify what it is you are scared of. Sometimes, recognizing a fear can be easy. “I’m scared to go speak in public.” Yeah, that’s easy to identify because most people have the same fear. Othertimes, this can be difficult because you have to go layers deep to discover what it is that you are truly afraid of. For myself, I am scared of talking with new people because people who I let into my space before hurt me while others made fun of me. You may think you are scared of one thing, but you are really scared of something else. You need to sometimes go layers deep and go why do I feel scared to talk to people? When was the first time I felt this way? Was it when I was bullied? Or…Your fear can be derived from many things, whether it be speaking up in a meeting, reaching out to a prospective mentor, or the thought of how others would judge you if you decide to share something that you have experienced in your own life. No matter what that true fear is, you have to recognize exactly what it is you are afraid of. I remember my biggest fear when I had to live with my grandma was to admit to others that I was a failure and that I lost everything. It took me months before I could come clean to that about anyone and I just lied saying I was busy and couldn’t make it out.
@ChelseaKrost: Whenever I am scared/stressed out about something I create a to-do list to guide me on how to take action & tackle the “thing” causing the stress. Taking ACTION helps eliminate the stress aka the fear of the unknown. People’s judgements, comments, & rude remarks will always be there. If the fear of what others will say/think is holding you back DON’T LET THEM WIN. Your opionion of yourself & your loved ones is all that matters, not strangers with a keyboard. Haters gonna hate.
Facing your fear is easier said than done. When you begin to face your fears, it may feel as if you are looking the devil straight in their eyes. And who wouldn’t be scared of looking the devil in their eyes? They say there are two reactions to fear. You either fight or flight. But you can also freeze too. I’m a coward. When given a choice, I usually freeze in terror or run away. So if that’s what you do, I get it because I do it too. Facing your fear can trigger any of these reactions, and if you’ve encountered your fears before, you probably have a cyclical pattern in dealing with fear, like hiding in bed each time you think of finding a new job or gravitating towards the corner when you are at a networking event instead of meeting others or flaking entirely. I do some of these things too, so no big deal. But once you face your fear, you need to move onto the next step. You have to DSA it or do something about it. If you don’t do something about it, then you won’t be able to move ahead. Some things you can do to DSA it include writing, talking to others, sharing a story, going to a job interview, starting a business, etc. If you don’t DSA it, then the cyclical behavior will continue, or get worse. When I used to be stuck in bed jobless, I went for days, then it turned to weeks, to months, then I had an eviction notice. So you gotta DSA it.
@robynstevensPR: I like to go for outdoors and think about other situations in my past that I was scared / stressed out about – that I ended up accomplishing, enjoying and learning from, it inspires me.
@ChelseaKrost: COULDA, SHUDA, WUDDA…3 harmful words. Learn from the past, live in the present, do your best to create a bright future!
When you are mustering up the courage to face your fear, you will want to continue back down your cyclical behavior. You will want to freeze, or even run away. It’s completely natural. When I wrote my first post online, I sat around for 30 minutes, shaking and trembling, wondering if the world was going to judge me, mock me, ridicule me and call me a loser. Why? Because that’s what the people whom I knew used to do so I was accustomed to it. My cyclical behavior first caused me to freeze up. I couldn’t move and I didn’t know what to do. Then my behavior made me want to run away. But then I mustered up the courage to actually DSA it and clicked publish. Six months later, I had 2 million reads, then 10 million reads by the end of 2 years. Also people didn’t call me a loser, they called me courageous and inspiring instead. So when you’re facing your fears, break the cycle. Don’t fall back into the same cyclical behavior. Don’t go and retreat. Don’t go and hide. Don’t freeze. You have to muster up that courage and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Or you will never get ahead.
@clindus: To do…
- Breathe
- Think
- Ask for help when it is needed
- Take it one step at a time.
- Identify
- Plan
- Resolve
@ChelseaKrost: We tend to all want everything done ASAP…getting to the bottom of where your fear stems from may not have a “quick fix”
The easiest way to DSA it is to close your eyes and do it and hope it works. But not a lot of people have that kind of faith. It’s hard to even internally think of what you want to do because of all the what if’s that come up. When this happens, your body wants to avoid pain and run away, so you do something simple that you’re used to to make that feeling go away, whether it’s hide in bed, smoke a cigarette, drink until you can’t remember or just freeze up. But you don’t have to do any of that. Instead you have to figure out how to act. One thing you can do to plan how you are going to DSA it is to make a flow chart. List out all the things you can do to overcome this fear. Then list out what can potentially happen (on the positive side) of each event. Then start to rate how effective each method is based on how much risk there is. For example, is posting something online going to make you lose your job? No. Take the imaginary risks and toss them out, then put together a plan and act on the top three methods to overcome your fear and just go out and do it. But don’t aim for a singular grand event. Do small tiny actions and you will slowly see them compound.
@clindus:Give yourself the time work through the fear and the plan. While you want to keep moving forward, being properly prepared is key to moving forward.
@ChelseaKrost: Think about where your limit is…? Don’t settle and let fear hold you back…your worth more than that.
I see way more pros than cons with this one…The biggest pro of all is knowing that you took action, knowing that you tried, knowing that you weren’t going to settle. Even if your action wasn’t successful there will always be a learning lesson to gain.
Pro of facing your fear: You will get closer to your dreams.
Con of facing your fear: You have to do something you’re scared of.
Pro: People will respect you.
Con: No one wants to do what they’re scared of.
I can go on and on and on about the pros, but I think you get the idea. When you let your fears guide you, you will basically be able to do anything you want. Like me and just got a book deal from McGraw-Hill, we have a fun business, we speak internationally, we get invited to cool events, I like my car that isn’t 20 years old anymore, even married me and we have a puppy, so like if I were to compare my life 6 years ago before I began to let my fears guide me to now… then yeah!
@RachelYancius:Well, the two extremes would be succeeding in overcoming the fear OR failure. Either way I think you should be proud that you faced your fear.
@ChelseaKrost: MY BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE: STOP telling yourself that your “scared” or “you can’t” and start taking action. Let the results speak for themselves before you put the cap on your own potential. Less talking and overthinking) AND MORE purposeful doing!
If you’re frozen in fear, you are not alone. I do this so much where I freeze up that I may as well live inside a freezer. But you don’t want to live in a freezer with me so do this instead. Stop thinking for a few minutes and take a baby step, then another baby step, and another one. When you continually take baby steps towards your fears, you will look up and be like, wow! How in the world did I overcome all this and get to this point? So don’t think and let the fears consume you. Instead just act. Plus another benefit of acting is that when you act, you aren’t thinking, so that negative self talk isn’t there either. When that negative talk isn’t there, it makes it easier to live the life you have always dreamed of!
@RachelYancius: Don’t even think about it, just take the FIRST STEP in trying to overcome that fear! That’s half the battle! Now you’ve dipped your toe in the water and you’re ready for step 2…
One of the biggest fears we face in life is …yet, I truly believe that failing could be the best thing that ever happens to you because of the learning lessons that come along with it! Don’t believe me? Click Here to watch my video, 4 Things I Learned From My Epic Failure in 2016!
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