When our parents get divorced, we make many speculations and assumptions that tend to encourage us to look at life in a different light– than how we previously looked at it while they were married… To say the least! I’ve been the “unaffected” child of divorce, I’ve been the “we’re better off” child of divorce and now I’ve grown to be the adult child of divorce that would prefer to learn from my circumstances, rather than run from them.
I took the growth mindset instead of the vengeful one. But hey! No judgment here–no matter where you may be on your journey. Years later, I finally arrived here.
Here are 10 life lessons that I learned:
- Being around people doesn’t make you less lonely.
We can’t use people to make us feel comfortable with ourselves. Self-love shows us the need to love ourselves first, versus being in a love-less relationship for any reason (platonic or romantic).
- If my worth needs to be confirmed by another person, I’m giving them MY power. And not allowing them to simply love me.
- You lose what you don’t fight to keep.
I learned this indirectly, first. Then directly, the hard way. Anything that we take the time to create, needs love, effort and care (among other things) to be sustained. You don’t want to look up and no longer see and/or be a part of something that you started because you choose to knowingly or unknowingly neglect it. Keep your priorities a priority.
- Everyone has the right to do what’s necessary for their life, right now.
- Perspective gives my experiences opportunities to be wisdom.
If you can look at all your scars and attach a story to them, we can think about our experiences and realize a personalized lesson in them.
- Be honest with yourself about where you are and where you want to go…and what kind of people you want to go with you.
- Pay attention to when you’re uncomfortable.
If you don’t like something, know why!
- Don’t attempt to know anyone through a case study or statistic.
Relate, listen and connect. I’ve listened to many stats decide my future, attempt to know me, and tell me that I will have relationship and personal issues for the rest of my life… Apparently, adult children of divorce are different from the rest of the beautiful people living today (insert side eye)!
Statistics don’t make anyone more aware of feelings than another. Take time to listen to a person’s actual story, and get to know the depths of them simply by listening.
- Choosing forgiveness doesn’t mean that what someone did wasn’t wrong.
Forgiveness has always shown itself to be more about my healing and moving/growing forward, than it has ever been about the person I needed and/or didn’t want to forgive!
- If you don’t decide how you want to be treated, someone will decide for you.
This is self-explanatory. We set the tone and maintain the standard because what we allow is what will continue.
Although the divorce I lived through could easily be viewed as selfish, it stole my normal…the circumstances it created, provided a new normal that I would eventually appreciate with a perspective that made me aware.
(I guess that’s not really a life lesson, just a realization…)
Have you learned any life lessons from your parents’ divorce? Are you hesitant to look at it in a positive light?
Share with me in the comments below.