Sometimes, Your Mate’s Feelings Are Going To Be Hurt

Quick question: When something is bothering you, would you rather tell your mate the truth if you thought it’d hurt their feelings? Or not say anything and let the problem go unresolved?

Take a moment to think about that before you continue reading.

I worked with a client who, for 3 years, couldn’t tell his lady he had serious issues with her bad breath. I mean, he told her, but never in a way that she actually understood. He’d adopted all these passive aggressive behaviors because he was too afraid to hurt her feelings. As a result, she still hasn’t gotten the memo. Obviously.

Now while I believe that it’s important to be sensitive to your partner’s feelings and show a bit of compassion when you’re discussing potentially touchy issues, you still need to make sure what you’re saying is heard and understood if you want it resolved. Clearly and with no ambiguity.

It’s that simple.

I get it. It’s normal to want to avoid conflict. No one wants to see their partner cry or get angry and upset. But at the end of the day, you can’t let every emotional sensitivity get in the way of your relationship from making progress. You’ll have to pick a poison.

Because this isn’t about bad breath. It’s about how comfortable you and your mate are opening up and being able to discuss the things that matter to you. And even if it’s not “comfortable”, you can’t let fears and insecurities get in the way of these issues being resolved.

Also, once you get comfortable taking this approach on little issues, you get more comfortable taking the same approach on larger issues. And like what happened to my client, when you get so comfortable taking the victim approach, it’s normal to feel resentment to your mate later on for things not changing.

Healthy couples aren’t immune from issues. They simply know that dealing with being uncomfortable discussing tough topics now is less frustrating than having to put the pieces back together once it’s blown up later.

Those couples value honesty. They value speaking what’s on their heart with compassion. They value growing, together.

This is the only way you’ll ever begin to meet each other’s needs. And isn’t that what a relationship is all about?

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