Setting Boundaries: The Foundation of Self-Care

How many times have you found yourself in a situation saying: “I can’t believe I signed up for this. I should’ve said I didn’t have enough time.” Or even better, how often do you end up answering emails at 11pm, when you promised yourself that you would stick to a strict 6pm cutoff time?

If you are like me, then the answer to that question is probably many times! Before I became an entrepreneur, I was a K-12 educator. There were many nights where I responded to parent emails at 10pm, when they could’ve waited until I returned to my classroom the next day. I signed up for countless events to support students, and barely had time to eat food in between. I was caught up in a whirlwind of activities that I thought would make me feel better, but instead, drained me. Years of being overwhelmed and drained taught me the importance of setting boundaries, which has helped me immensely as I now run my own business.

Why is it so hard to set boundaries? Sometimes we find ourselves aiming for perfection and wanting to be at 100% all of the time. We want to be at every event, we want everyone to know that we care, and we want every task accomplished. Other times, there are people in our lives who request specific tasks or skills from us, and we don’t know how to decline. Then, we find ourselves in situations where we are overwhelmed and stressed. Those are two words that are surely not synonyms for self-care!

Repeat after me: You cannot be everything to everyone.

You can’t. It’s impossible. When you find yourself attempting this, you will likely soon find yourself frustrated and burned out. We don’t want that! Setting boundaries keeps this from happening and allows you to remain in a place where you can be your best self in a healthy way.

If we don’t have clear boundaries we can’t maintain our own self-care with consistency, we won’t have fulfilling relationships and we aren’t living lifestyles that allow us to be our best selves. Boundaries are essential!  Setting healthy boundaries is most definitely a form of self-love and is the foundation of self-care, which is why I make it a priority in my own life.

Here’s how to set boundaries:

1. Check your mindset: Open your mind and allow yourself to be 100% okay with setting boundaries. It doesn’t make you selfish or demanding!
2. Define: Think of the areas in your life where you feel you may have been taken advantage of. Think of times where you may have accepted things that you know are unacceptable to you. Get clear on your values and core beliefs.
3. Communicate: Sharing these boundaries in your relationships (work, personal, community, etc.) are important. Have open and honest conversations about what is important to you and what you will/won’t accept. Ask the people in your life to respect the boundaries you have set.
4. Require: Expect the people with whom you communicated your boundaries to respect them. It may be difficult, but remember the importance of your self-care. Understand that you may have some people who choose not to respect your boundaries and may not remain in your daily life. Remember to make yourself a priority!
5. Maintain: Check-in with yourself and maintain the boundaries you have set. Setting boundaries and standing by them may take some time, but each step you take towards preserving your own boundaries is a step in the right direction.

If you already have great boundaries set, then congratulations! You are a step ahead. I would encourage you to consistently reflect on your daily experiences, while being open to places where you may need to tighten a few of those boundaries. Relationships and situations will shift and may require reevaluation. Be open to this reevaluation as a part of continued self-care.

Boundaries will not only allow you to protect yourself from the demands of others, but also allow you to confidently express your own needs. If you find yourself doubting your boundaries, as you go through your day, remember this mantra:

Maintaining healthy boundaries empowers me to be my best-self.