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Moving Back Home With My Parents at 25 Again
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I’m 25 and just moved home with my parents for the second time.
If you were to tell me that last year I would’ve politely laughed and then proceed to show you out (perhaps followed by slamming the door behind you and yelling ‘AND NEVER COME BACK!’)
You see, I truly love being independent.
My first taste of parental freedom was at seventeen, when I moved away for university. It was pure bliss. I grew up in a small-town sharing a room with my three younger sisters, so to say I appreciated having my own room with cable television was a huge understatement.
But after graduating from university at twenty-one, feeling crushed under the weight of student loans, and dealing with a nasty case of ‘analysis paralysis’ I admitted defeat. I moved home.
That was a dark time for me as I was so frustrated with myself. I also got into the toxic habit of constantly comparing my life to my friends on Facebook (pre-Insta era) wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t get it together.
Needless to say when I moved out for the first time a few months later I vowed I’d never do it again.
And yet, here I am. Moving home with the parents…again.
So what’s the deal?
The reason for this is two-fold:
1) The lease on my apartment was abruptly coming to an end, so there was a fork in the road: find a new place and move out in less than a month (in mid-January in Toronto) or move home.
2) I’ve come to realize that I’ve built my life on sand rather than rocks. Working on various contracts as a mediapreneur, in positions that require a constant state of ‘fight or flight’ lead to burnout. When I didn’t care about setting New Year’s intentions, exercising, eating healthy and felt ‘meh’ towards all social opportunities – I knew something was wrong.
Initially, my plan was to keep my new home life quiet. I figured I’d move home, get it together, and move back out without anyone knowing. A blip on the radar that I’d soon forget.
But over the holidays, I couldn’t keep it quiet with close friends and extended family.
And to my surprise – it was such a relief to be honest and not be heckled for it. And further, I’ve started to notice a trend with friends, that they have had to move home too.
It’s freakin’ hard out there nowadays so it’s becoming more accepted. Well.. as long as you have a plan to ditch the home cooked meals and childhood bed sooner rather than later.
So here are my top three tips to get back out there while still embracing home life:
1) Set a date to leave. This helped my parents agree to take me back in too.
2) Get to know your parents again. As it turns out parents are real people! I appreciate this so much more as an adult, and actually listen to their advice now (well… some of it 😉
3) Stay in your lane. I’ve taken Instagram and Facebook off my iPhone. I’ve installed ‘Self Control’ on my computer. When in a vulnerable place, work hard to not compare yourself to others!
Remember you’re not alone. Connect with me @gwenelliot or in the comments below to share your story!
9 Responses
I can totally relate to “analysis paralysis.” I moved home for a bit when I was 32 (I’m 33 now), and even though I was only there for a month and a half in between finding a new place to rent…It wasn’t my ideal. I love my family and I’m grateful that I can always call my parents’ home…home, I can totally relate! I will say that brought us closer, and now when I go visit, we all appreciate one another more. Great article 🙂
Thanks for the post Elana! How long were you at home? Any further tips to make the most of the experience? Thanks for keepin’ it real. I appreciate it!
This post actually made me feel better. As a 27 year old, I too recently had to move back in with family for the second time and it was such a hit to my independent pride. I was very proud of myself for working hard to obtain my two bedroom apartment and pay the rent each month but I too was building life on sand rather than rocks – or even bricks. I constantly feel like I work too hard to be living with family at my age but what I had to begin telling myself that this is my opportunity to really evaluate the mistakes or choices I made (or didn’t make) that landed me in this position and prepare myself for a few months to build on rocks rather than sand. I hope that helps!
@alexlaree
This article was a relief to read, because I know that I’m not alone. I’m 27, and after moving back in with my parents 2 years ago, it’s time to get back out, because well, my mother wants us out. I get it, I do, but it really is hard out there. Being able to come up with rent and utilities payments is going to be killer. However, we must fight, because that’s all we can do. I don’t bother comparing my life to anyone else’s, because I know we all have our own share of drama, a different piece of pie. I take what I have and I go with it, because what else can I do? Take care everyone, and I wish you all the best. 🙂
Alexis – I totally feel ya girl! I seriously felt the exact same way. I call it the ‘breakdown before the breakthrough.’ Not that breaking down means moving home, it’s just admitting that you need a break to reevaluate where you’re goin’ in life. I’m finding it’s also a great time to re-educate myself now that I’m a bit older and have more life experience. WE CAN DO THIS GIRL 😉
Ash B. – You can do it. It may be challenging at first, but remember to start small and try your very best not to compare yourself to other people. I find that to be the killer. Really aim to surround yourself with people who are in your corner supporting you and rooting for you to win. I did this by volunteering for a networking group to meet entrepreneurial women who were supportive! You got this Ash!
Well said! Nobody ever really wants to move in with their parents, but the right attitude makes all the difference. And I’ve definitely learned my lesson about not comparing myself to others in the process of moving back–if I spend all my time wallowing, I can’t focus on staying productive.
I can totally relate, except I’m crashing with a friend (who’d like a mom to me) instead of my parents. It is so hard out there. I graduated from law school last year and I still can’t find a job anywhere. That means I can’t pay my bills on time (if at all), which means all those years of building good credit have gone down the drain. And Sallie Mae certainly doesn’t care that I can’t find a job I, too deleted social media apps on my phone and swore off social media til this week (I’m obligated to share some posts), but I post and run. I don’t linger. Thanks for your post (which I will be sharing). More people need to hear these stories.
Hey Bianca! Hang in there girl! I’d totally suggest taking this time to let go of all the things that don’t serve you or that are holding you back. Clear the decks to make way for a big opportunity to present itself. Clearing the space helps you get clear on what you may actually want to do. Also – I found that whenever I’d get SUPER stressed out I’d go for a walk/run and listen to really awesome music to try and change the negative thoughts/vibes that I couldn’t shake. Still do it now – and it totally works. <3 Gwen
i completely agree with this post. I am 27 & moved back home. Student loans are so hard to manage on your own, plus the additional expense of living and bills. It makes me feel better to know there are others dealing with the same situation.