The Millennial Battle, Careers or Cribs?

The bravery required to battle it out in the big city is a dream that most, if not all, young professionals envision as they start out their careers. Burning the midnight oil, the hustle and bustle of a big city, swimming with the sharks, I mean what else could a young professional want?

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always wanted to live the exact same dream that I just described above. However, recently a life event occurred which presented me with the joyous opportunity of becoming a father. All my big city dreams came to a screeching halt, but for a reason that I was more than happy to yield for.

Unfortunately, we suffered through a miscarriage.

The journey post miscarriage has been very difficult to go through, naturally. However, what my wife and I were surprised to find out about after we started talking about it with other individuals was how common a miscarriage was, yet how rarely one spoke about it. Hearing of how others had gone through difficult times, just like us, and were now blessed with happy families, gave us hope and immense happiness.

As we see kids in public, on the TV, on our various social feeds, the emotional toll it takes on us is quite apparent, making us both sad, yet hopeful, for our future.

Here I was, a young career focused individual, with my 5 year and 10 year plan written and ready to go.  But life is funny like that, isn’t it?

I have spoken to many individuals, both more seasoned in their careers and those just starting out, but one lesson resonated across all of them. That particular lesson reminded me of the Movie “21” where Kevin Spacey states, “always account for variable change”. For some reason, that line always stuck with me, but now finally that message is abundantly clear to me.

As my priorities begin to shift and I start to look at my career differently, I can’t help but ask myself that one tough question again and again – “What am I willing to sacrifice more? My family or my career?”

The answer to that tough question has changed several times over the years, knowing how I’ve always wanted a family, along with a very successful career. So I asked myself how I could possibly balance both pressing priorities that honestly, seem to shift constantly.

The honest answer?

I’m still trying to figure it out!

Believe me, I wish I had some earth-shattering advice to give to those of you in the same boat as myself. I do. But all I kept doing was asking myself questions such as – “What do I want my life to look like? Do I want to have the high-power job where I may have to sacrifice a good work life balance? Or do I want to have a steady job that allows me to keep a roof over my family, some savings for retirement and enough to go on a few family trips over the course of the year?”

These answers will differ from one individual to another, but if you are as career hungry and ready for parenthood as I am, you know that I will have to find that sweet balance. A job and a career that I enjoy, and one filled with plenty of growth opportunities with a healthy work life balance.

However, does that mean I’ll have to move out of Toronto? Does a smaller suburb or community make more sense for my family?

This is what my wife and I decided a year ago; we bought a condo outside of the downtown core, yet accessible to the hustle and bustle of the downtown life, especially if we wanted to work downtown (which my wife does currently). We gave ourselves 4 more years. I’ll be 30, she’ll be 31, and we’ll make the tough choice of staying closer to the city or moving further away at that time. With the price of our condo going up, we estimate by the time we need to decide we could buy a detached house in a suburb should we wish to relocate.

The alternative?

We stay where we are and continue with our career-laden journeys while we hopefully raise our family.

You’re probably thinking, that’s no brainer! I should stay closer to the city as long as possible.

However, a game I like to play right now is to see what houses I can buy in smaller communities? And let me tell you my friend, it is a very dangerous game. Looking at the possibility of having a detached house with a yard, a garage, and maybe even a pool, now that’s something extremely enticing and frankly a Millennials dream. Moreover, having space to raise a family and give them a stable home where they can establish their roots, have friends and grow up in is a dream that I want to turn into a reality.

There is only one thing that I truly know in life, my priorities and decisions can (and will) change as time progresses. The constant battle of starting a family or continuing to give it my all in the rat race is one debate that I believe will continue to play out over the next few years. As much as I want to plan to have a family and make it happen during the right time, I now know things can change in an instant and to “always account for variable change”.