Online Dating- What Will Our Kids Think?

Let’s talk about online dating. As a young professional focused on her career, online dating gets suggested to me a lot. Let’s look past the fact that I’m not currently pursuing a significant other in my life, so the suggestions of online dating are quite meddlesome. Let’s look past the fact that it’s increasingly acceptable to be single with no kids in your mid-twenties. I know I, for one, am burnt out on blogs and articles that tell me it’s simply ok to “do you right now,” and “women in the workplace means a delay in childbearing.” I can appreciate the encouragement, but I’m not the least bit disappointed with where I am in life. There are more important trends to hone in on, here. So, let’s talk about those.

The evolution of dating has proved interesting when you really sit down to think about it. In colonial times, dating was a courtship and the goal of marriage was to bear children. Families arranged these courtships for the most part and the couple would go to dinner, go dancing, shop, or have picnics and would usually have a guardian around.

Fast forward to the 1800s when romance started playing a role in influencing whether a partner was suitable. Focus shifted to being honorable and innocent, with the man asking permission to wed (sometimes more than once). Enter the 1900s. Within this century, we saw courtship shift to dating, which was public for the most part and maintained some chivalry, and then to “free love,” where it became more individualistic and both women and men had equal responsibility of asking one another out. The end of the century saw a very informal approach to dating with marriage being an objective only part of the time.

Of course, this is a very high level overview. If you have the time to research the evolution of dating, I highly encourage it – you’ll find the topics of “necking” and … other promiscuous activities quite entertaining. The background here doesn’t serve a huge purpose for this blog, but it does show how much things can evolve.

The concept of online or virtual dating got its start in the 90s just after the World Wide Web took root, and this is where our story begins. The new “Internet” was a way to connect people with similar interests by way of chat rooms and forums. Because of the technically limited nature at the time, most of this was for professional purposes until the first dating websites were launched in the mid-90s. I won’t bore you with another history lesson, but to make my point I need to make a few notes.

When it first exploded, the attitude toward online dating was (in my opinion) confusion. The services were available, but people couldn’t quite resonate with the concept. In the late 90s, it became more acceptable after the release of “You’ve Got Mail,” which highlighted the potential possibilities of meeting someone online and falling madly in love.

It wasn’t until after several big mergers in the early 2000s that online dating was more advertised on social media channels, email hubs, and websites in general. Today, online dating is so popular that there is now a website for virtually any segment of society: Jews, Catholics, Christians, sports, cities, divorced, single… you name it, it’s out there.

The purpose of this post is not to talk about how dating or online dating has evolved. We are all living and breathing it, so we already know all of this. “So, then, get to the point, Ciara.” Ok ok…

The piece I have found most interesting about the evolution of online dating is our own perceptions. No, I’m not simply talking about the ramifications, statistics, and all other analyses you’ve been reading the last several years. We’re burnt out on all of that. I’m talking about something more real.

A few weeks ago, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about dating apps and general virtual dating. This friend is heavily immersed in both and recently decided to delete all of his accounts and change his approach. Part of this decision was based off of a series of less than optimal experiences. More importantly, though, it occurred to him that he didn’t want to tell his kids the story of how he and his partner met. The idea of telling your kids you met their dad or mom on an online dating website (or worse, an app) seemed less than appealing.

My response to him highlighted a very cool trend that I’ve seen emerging.

Ladies and gentleman, it’s normal. Online dating is at a point of normalcy and will continue to increase as such. If you’re concerned that meeting someone online means that a big fairy tale in Central Park with dramatic music in the background is being missed out on, I’m here to tell you it’s not. First, that never happens anyway, unless you’re an actor and worki
ng with Nick Cassavetes on a new Nicholas Sparks film. Second, what does matter is that you’ve found your best friend in a way that you may or may not have otherwise met.

Embrace new opportunities and rejoice when they happen.

For many of us Millennials, apps and online dating are a way for us to still strive for our personal wants/needs, while trying to survive a very stressful, overworked lifestyle. For others, it’s a way to gain the confidence to approach someone you may be too shy to say hello to in ‘real life.’ In any case, if you’ve made a connection and you’ve met your best friend, just go with it.

photo credit